As you know, the purpose of this blog is to tell funny stories about my life events and, hopefully, make people laugh. I hope you’ll forgive me but today I need to vent, as I have just realized I was dealt an enormous injustice years ago.
Today I read an article on www.ksl.com about how a local school district wants to force teachers into merit pay. For now I’m going to ignore the issues of merit pay, unions, class sizes, etc in order to focus on one point. Here are some comments that were made by teachers, private sector employees and a few people I’m pretty sure might have spent the morning rolling doobies:
“If you are in it for the money, then you should not be teaching. The low pay has been that way and will not change anytime soon (that is unfortunate)”
“I hope to see more teachers unions here in the right to work state of Utah. Utah was rated one of the lowest paying states right behind Mississippi when comes to wages earned. Utah teachers too are one of the lowest paid. It's time for teachers unions to step up. With so many children in the state of Utah, we need to take care of our future, our children and pay our teachers the pay they deserve, even if it means raising taxes. This should be our number one priority here in the state of Utah.”
“Unfortunately, this is a familiar topic with public education. I know that teachers have a tough job and low pay, but they need to join the real world where pay increases, continued employment and promotions are based on performance.”
“How many other jobs in America REQUIRE a college education, continuing education and demand the hours and dedication of a teacher; while offering such low pay?”
“As long as you agree to work for peanuts, you will be treated like monkeys.”
“If you want big money become an engineer or get your masters or doctorate to set you apart. If you want to have summers off and only go to four years of college, teaching may be for you.”
“Teacher pay should be a dead issue. My wife is a special education teacher. We both have bachelor degrees. If you were to calculate her pay for a full 12 months worked she makes close to what I do. I would take the pay cut to get three months in the summer off.”
“Good teachers should be paid more.”
“I picked my career for other reasons than pay. Though, I DO think it ridiculous that I cannot support myself on my salary alone. Pay is not the only reason teachers become teachers--and thank goodness. If teachers were paid really well, we'd get a lot of really bad teachers--people in it for the money and not because they love students and love teaching. It's that willingness to sacrifice good pay for something greater that makes good teachers good.”
What do all of these comments have in common? The low pay of teachers. Only one of all of the comments I read dared state that teachers make good money,this includes people for and against merit pay. My dream job (my real dream jobs of being a professional athlete, actor or swimsuit model aren’t exactly realistic) has always been to be a high school teacher. However, what is it they always say about teachers? That’s right, they don’t make any money. With that understanding I took a different career path.
After reading these comments I went online to www.utahsright.com to see just how low teachers are paid. In my little school district I found that there are over 400 employees who make more than $80,000 per year. Yes, I realize that some of these are district employees however, the vast majority are principals and teachers (yes, I am also aware that many of the higher paid teachers have been teaching for a long time). That is $80,000 with 3 months of vacation every summer! Adjusted to a 12 month work year, $80,000 turns out to be over $106,000. Hardly peanuts as mentioned in the comments above.
I don’t mean this to be an insult to teachers. I am not a teacher, therefore I can’t pass judgement on what fair pay for teachers is.
The actual question I have is this, “where in the name of everything good and holy was my high school guidance counselor?” I'd have signed up to be a teacher long ago if only I knew the truth. Oh wait, there he is, getting paid $98,623 ($131,497 annualized) to guard the best kept secret in the entire world.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Boom, Roasted!
My favorite show on TV is The Office. I truly hope it didn’t “jump the shark” when Michael Scott left. I watch that show and think, “Man, I so belong on that show.” Anyway, the other night the kids and I were watching The Office. The episode was one in which Michael decides they should have a Roast of him. He gathers everyone in the warehouse, sits on a stage and lets everyone have a chance to come on stage and make fun of him. Insult after insult soon get to him, he gets his feelings hurt and walks away, not even coming back to work the next day. When he finally does come back, he takes a moment to Roast each person, hurling an insult at them and following it up with, “boom, roasted!” For example, he turns to Jim and says, “Jim, you are 6’11 and 130 lbs. Gumby has a better physique than you. Boom, roasted!”
If you really know me, you will not be surprised to know this inspired me to immediately begin roasting my family. The following are some of the roasts I threw out:
“Nelly, you are so short that the only person you are taller than is your boyfriend. Boom, roasted!” (For the record, she doesn’t have a boyfriend but I do like to tease her about a few of the boys her age.)
“G-Unit, you lay on the floor and pout so much they have officially changed the name of snow angels to ‘G-Unit Angels. Boom, roasted!” (This one is much better when I use her real name.)
“Buck Double, you look like a minion on Despicable Me. Boom, roasted!”
“Lunch Meat, you are so hyper you make [insert hyper neighborhood kid’s name here] look dull and boring. Boom, roasted!”
“Alimatu, you eat deodorant…enough said. Boom, roasted!”
“Wally, you still have baby teeth. You’ll be the only student in your high school yearbook missing his front teeth. Boom, roasted!”
“Wife, you are so good at putting away your clothes that the neighbors have started calling our house Mt. Saint Laundry. Boom, roasted!”
As you can imagine, I was having a great time with this when Nelly shouted out, “Dad, you get zits on your nose that make you look like Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer. Boom, roasted!” Everyone laughed out loud and started making comments like, “Yeah, that was a really bad one last week but I didn’t want to say anything.”
Now that was definitely a hit below the belt, absolutely uncalled for. Like I always say, “It’s all fun and games until someone retaliates and turns my own games against me.”
As for those of you who are giggling because you too noticed the unsightly blemish/boil/zit/cancerous tumor I had for no less than 10 days….Yes, I saw you staring at it when you talked to me. Yes, I understand that it was like driving past a car wreck and you had to look. And finally… Yes, I hate you.
If you really know me, you will not be surprised to know this inspired me to immediately begin roasting my family. The following are some of the roasts I threw out:
“Nelly, you are so short that the only person you are taller than is your boyfriend. Boom, roasted!” (For the record, she doesn’t have a boyfriend but I do like to tease her about a few of the boys her age.)
“G-Unit, you lay on the floor and pout so much they have officially changed the name of snow angels to ‘G-Unit Angels. Boom, roasted!” (This one is much better when I use her real name.)
“Buck Double, you look like a minion on Despicable Me. Boom, roasted!”
“Lunch Meat, you are so hyper you make [insert hyper neighborhood kid’s name here] look dull and boring. Boom, roasted!”
“Alimatu, you eat deodorant…enough said. Boom, roasted!”
“Wally, you still have baby teeth. You’ll be the only student in your high school yearbook missing his front teeth. Boom, roasted!”
“Wife, you are so good at putting away your clothes that the neighbors have started calling our house Mt. Saint Laundry. Boom, roasted!”
As you can imagine, I was having a great time with this when Nelly shouted out, “Dad, you get zits on your nose that make you look like Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer. Boom, roasted!” Everyone laughed out loud and started making comments like, “Yeah, that was a really bad one last week but I didn’t want to say anything.”
Now that was definitely a hit below the belt, absolutely uncalled for. Like I always say, “It’s all fun and games until someone retaliates and turns my own games against me.”
As for those of you who are giggling because you too noticed the unsightly blemish/boil/zit/cancerous tumor I had for no less than 10 days….Yes, I saw you staring at it when you talked to me. Yes, I understand that it was like driving past a car wreck and you had to look. And finally… Yes, I hate you.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Movie Quotes
Despite the fact that a million different people have told me I remind them of Will Farrell, I am always cautious when watching one of his movies. His movies seem to be completely hilarious (Elf and Kicking and Screaming are two of my all-time favorite movies. If you haven't seen them, you should.) or a complete flop (Ron Burgundy). Because of this, I was cautiously optimistic about his animated movie, "Megamind." I ended up being very pleasantly surprised with this movie. The following banter between Megamind (the bad guy) and Metro Man (the good guy) is one of the funniest dialogues I have heard in a long time:
Megamind: Over here, old friend! In case you've noticed, you've fallen right into my trap.
Metro Man: You can't trap justice. It's an idea, a belief!
Megamind: But, even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time.
Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal.
Megamind: But metals can be melted by the heat of revange!
Metro Man: It's 'revenge', and it's best served cold!
Megamind: But it can be easily reheated in the microwave of evil!
Metro Man: Well, I think your warranty's about to expire!
Megamind: Maybe I got an extended warranty!
Metro Man: Warranties are invalid if you don't use the product for it's intended purpose!
Roxanne Ritchie: Uuhh! Girls, girls, you're both pretty! Can I go home now!
Thinking of these lines remind me of some movie quotes that I like to use every once in a while that, when people hear them, are likely to be completely confused as to why I chuckle when I say them.
1. "Ollo." This is how Megamind answers the phone. 90% of the time this is how I answer the phone.
2. "Are you serious, Clark?" On Christmas Vacation, Clark Griswold is standing at the table and says, "hey kids, I heard the weatherman on the news say there is an unidentified flying object over New York (I might have paraphrased this a bit)." At which point, cousin Eddie replies, "Are you serious, Clark?" This is a great question to ask when someone tells you something strange or unbelievable.
3. "Do you honestly think I don't know that?" Another line from Christmas Vacation. This one happens at the beginning when the Griswold's are driving out to the woods to pick out a Christmas tree. On the way, they get into a little road rage incident in which the family wagon ends up driving underneath a semi trailer, right between the axles. Ellen Griswold turns to Clark and states, "Clark, we are under a semi (again, paraphrasing)." Clark turn to her and asks in exasperation, "Do you honestly think I don't know that?" I love this line when someone states the obvious.
If you have any other lines that should be added to my daily conversations, please let me know.
Megamind: Over here, old friend! In case you've noticed, you've fallen right into my trap.
Metro Man: You can't trap justice. It's an idea, a belief!
Megamind: But, even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time.
Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal.
Megamind: But metals can be melted by the heat of revange!
Metro Man: It's 'revenge', and it's best served cold!
Megamind: But it can be easily reheated in the microwave of evil!
Metro Man: Well, I think your warranty's about to expire!
Megamind: Maybe I got an extended warranty!
Metro Man: Warranties are invalid if you don't use the product for it's intended purpose!
Roxanne Ritchie: Uuhh! Girls, girls, you're both pretty! Can I go home now!
Thinking of these lines remind me of some movie quotes that I like to use every once in a while that, when people hear them, are likely to be completely confused as to why I chuckle when I say them.
1. "Ollo." This is how Megamind answers the phone. 90% of the time this is how I answer the phone.
2. "Are you serious, Clark?" On Christmas Vacation, Clark Griswold is standing at the table and says, "hey kids, I heard the weatherman on the news say there is an unidentified flying object over New York (I might have paraphrased this a bit)." At which point, cousin Eddie replies, "Are you serious, Clark?" This is a great question to ask when someone tells you something strange or unbelievable.
3. "Do you honestly think I don't know that?" Another line from Christmas Vacation. This one happens at the beginning when the Griswold's are driving out to the woods to pick out a Christmas tree. On the way, they get into a little road rage incident in which the family wagon ends up driving underneath a semi trailer, right between the axles. Ellen Griswold turns to Clark and states, "Clark, we are under a semi (again, paraphrasing)." Clark turn to her and asks in exasperation, "Do you honestly think I don't know that?" I love this line when someone states the obvious.
If you have any other lines that should be added to my daily conversations, please let me know.
Friday, July 8, 2011
I Figured It Out
The following are even more items that Alimatu has been eating:
Nerf Baseball Bat
Flip Flop
Men's Deodorant
Women's Deodorant
I love the last picture. One morning I got out of the shower and saw that sitting on the counter top. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the little teeth marks in the deodorant.
Noticing all of the items she has attempted to eat in the past little while started to make me nervous. I wondered if she has a vitamin deficiency or something that she should see a doctor about. Then, the other day, I saw something that explained it all. Our kitchen table is a pub table, meaning it is really tall. The chairs we use at it are essentially bar stools. Wally was sitting at the table eating chicken nuggets when he realized he needed a drink. I watched him get off the chair and walk away from the table. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Alimatu flashed into the room, scaled the bar stool, nicked a chicken nugget, went back down the chair and under the table where she sat cross-legged and ate the nugget. She did it with such stealth and quickness that the answer was obvious.....my daughter is half squirrel.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Update on the Derby Girls
After a week of torture I was able to get my money back from AAR. They told me so many lies about the entire ordeal but thankfully it is over. I was hoping they were the guilty ones and that ended up being the case. We can now officially lift the boycott on the Happy Valley Derby Darlins (not that this tiny blog has enough readers to do anything). It seems as though they were lied to/mislead as much as I was. Also, kudos to IHC for all of their help throughout this mess.
If you know anyone who was towed from Food 4 Less, please let them know that AAR has been required to refund the money.
To the HVDD: Good luck with your league, I hope it works out for you. I appreciate your comments and hopefully this will end up being good publicity for you (Unfortunately I really don't have many readers).
If you know anyone who was towed from Food 4 Less, please let them know that AAR has been required to refund the money.
To the HVDD: Good luck with your league, I hope it works out for you. I appreciate your comments and hopefully this will end up being good publicity for you (Unfortunately I really don't have many readers).
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Happy Valley Derby Darlins
**** Update: The Happy Valley Derby Darlins were not at fault. See my next post for details****
I ride a carpool van to work almost every day. There is an abandoned Food 4 Less building in town that we have been parking our cars at for a long, long time. Yesterday afternoon we came back into the parking lot to find all of our cars missing. Looking around we saw a sign stating WARNING CURRENT CUSTOMER PARKING ONLY. NO OVERNIGHT PARKING. None of the 10 people who ride our van had ever seen the sign before. It may be that the signs were installed that day, it may be the location of where we park or it may be that a few engineers, computer guys and a bean counter are just too used to the drive (arriving at 5:00am in the dark) or too dumb to have noticed the signs before. In any case, we didn’t see the signs and got towed. One person in the van called the number on the sign and reached AAR Towing (American Automobile Recovery) in Springville, UT 801-798-7779. He asked why we weren’t warned and was told that they had installed the signs three weeks ago and that last week they put warnings on all of the cars in the parking lot. None of us received said warning. We were told that they were closed for the day but if we showed up with $250 cash each, he would release our cars.
When we arrived at AAR, we asked simple questions that anyone in their right mind would ask: Who owns the property? Who decided that we should be towed instead of booted? Which establishment were the “customers” supposed to go to since the building is vacant? Etc etc. I swear on my life that I was calm and well spoken when I asked “why weren’t we given a warning?” Apparently that was crossing the line because the owner stood up and released a tirade of F Bombs that would make a sailor blush. He told us that thanks to me they are closed and no one is getting their car back. He said (this is actually kind of funny) I was “trying to intimidate him with a fake, deep voice.” The guys I was with just looked at me like, “what the heck is this guy talking about?” Eventually he released everyone’s car but mine. While going through the paperwork, he also mentioned that he is a PPI (Police Private Investigator). Talk about intimidation, sheesh. When we were there the guys told us that IHC owns the property and they don’t want anyone there. We were told they have been towing cars out of there “like crazy” so apparently we aren’t the only ones who didn't notice the signs.
This morning, together with my police escort to avoid other crazy charges or accusations, I retrieved my car. Driving home I noticed another car being towed from the same parking lot. While I was there I heard someone call asking who owns the Food 4 Less property. AAR was very vague in telling them that IHC owns the property however, he accidentally let it slip to me that a Roller Derby team is leasing the property from them. The paperwork I had to ASK for a copy of says that NS (I know your name but won't use it here) is the person who requested the tow.
A quick search on the internet has lead me to some very interesting information. Turns out, NS is starting a roller derby league called the HAPPY VALLEY DERBY DARLINS in the old Food 4 Less building in Spanish Fork, Utah. They have been having fundraisers and are renovating the building. The sad part is, I love sports and think it’s a really cool idea to start a roller derby league. Besides, I used to watch that on TV when I was a kid and those girls can be kinda hot.
Was HVDD and AAR within their legal rights to do what they did? Yes. Did they have other options? Obviously. How about a $35 parking ticket instead of $225 to get my car released, missing my son’s baseball game and missing work for 4 hours which I either have to make up or use vacation time for? I’m hoping that NS just didn’t think this through or doesn’t realize what the towing company is doing to her public relations. Or could she be taking a cut from AAR? That would be a quick way to raise money for the league.
NS, I would like to offer an open invitation to you….Get AAR to refund my $225 and half of it goes to your team as a donation. I’ll even deliver it to you on the opening night of your derby as your number one fan.
Until then, I am boycotting HVDD and giving AAR the bird every time I pass their tow truck on the street. I urge everyone to join me.
I ride a carpool van to work almost every day. There is an abandoned Food 4 Less building in town that we have been parking our cars at for a long, long time. Yesterday afternoon we came back into the parking lot to find all of our cars missing. Looking around we saw a sign stating WARNING CURRENT CUSTOMER PARKING ONLY. NO OVERNIGHT PARKING. None of the 10 people who ride our van had ever seen the sign before. It may be that the signs were installed that day, it may be the location of where we park or it may be that a few engineers, computer guys and a bean counter are just too used to the drive (arriving at 5:00am in the dark) or too dumb to have noticed the signs before. In any case, we didn’t see the signs and got towed. One person in the van called the number on the sign and reached AAR Towing (American Automobile Recovery) in Springville, UT 801-798-7779. He asked why we weren’t warned and was told that they had installed the signs three weeks ago and that last week they put warnings on all of the cars in the parking lot. None of us received said warning. We were told that they were closed for the day but if we showed up with $250 cash each, he would release our cars.
When we arrived at AAR, we asked simple questions that anyone in their right mind would ask: Who owns the property? Who decided that we should be towed instead of booted? Which establishment were the “customers” supposed to go to since the building is vacant? Etc etc. I swear on my life that I was calm and well spoken when I asked “why weren’t we given a warning?” Apparently that was crossing the line because the owner stood up and released a tirade of F Bombs that would make a sailor blush. He told us that thanks to me they are closed and no one is getting their car back. He said (this is actually kind of funny) I was “trying to intimidate him with a fake, deep voice.” The guys I was with just looked at me like, “what the heck is this guy talking about?” Eventually he released everyone’s car but mine. While going through the paperwork, he also mentioned that he is a PPI (Police Private Investigator). Talk about intimidation, sheesh. When we were there the guys told us that IHC owns the property and they don’t want anyone there. We were told they have been towing cars out of there “like crazy” so apparently we aren’t the only ones who didn't notice the signs.
This morning, together with my police escort to avoid other crazy charges or accusations, I retrieved my car. Driving home I noticed another car being towed from the same parking lot. While I was there I heard someone call asking who owns the Food 4 Less property. AAR was very vague in telling them that IHC owns the property however, he accidentally let it slip to me that a Roller Derby team is leasing the property from them. The paperwork I had to ASK for a copy of says that NS (I know your name but won't use it here) is the person who requested the tow.
A quick search on the internet has lead me to some very interesting information. Turns out, NS is starting a roller derby league called the HAPPY VALLEY DERBY DARLINS in the old Food 4 Less building in Spanish Fork, Utah. They have been having fundraisers and are renovating the building. The sad part is, I love sports and think it’s a really cool idea to start a roller derby league. Besides, I used to watch that on TV when I was a kid and those girls can be kinda hot.
Was HVDD and AAR within their legal rights to do what they did? Yes. Did they have other options? Obviously. How about a $35 parking ticket instead of $225 to get my car released, missing my son’s baseball game and missing work for 4 hours which I either have to make up or use vacation time for? I’m hoping that NS just didn’t think this through or doesn’t realize what the towing company is doing to her public relations. Or could she be taking a cut from AAR? That would be a quick way to raise money for the league.
NS, I would like to offer an open invitation to you….Get AAR to refund my $225 and half of it goes to your team as a donation. I’ll even deliver it to you on the opening night of your derby as your number one fan.
Until then, I am boycotting HVDD and giving AAR the bird every time I pass their tow truck on the street. I urge everyone to join me.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I Did It Again
Today two new home teachers stopped by. I don't know either of them very well but they are both really nice, good guys. While they were there, another neighbor came over. Their family is moving and needed someone to watch their cat and love bird for a couple of days. After he left, the wife turned to our home teachers and said, "One thing you guys should know about me is that I never say no." Apparently my giggling was neither appropriate nor appreciated.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)