Dr. Doolittle

Tomorrow I get to go to the Doctor for a steroid shot in my back. Over the 4th of July weekend I tweaked my back and, after a few weeks, decided I should go to the Doctor. I went to my local clinic and had the following conversation with the Doctor:


Dr: What seems to be the problem?
Me: Well, about ten years ago I tweaked my back pretty badly. It has happened a couple of times a year since then. In the morning I can’t really stand up straight and it’s generally sore most of the time. I can usually deal with it, but I’ve reached the point that I don’t really care what the treatment is, I just want to find out what is wrong.
Dr: What did we give you last time?
Me: A muscle relaxer and an anti-inflammatory but this time is different. When I tweak it I can usually feel my muscles lock up but this time I feel it more in the bones and the pain going through my hips and butt is pretty bad. Like I said, I just really want to find out what the problem is.
Dr: Ok, let’s get you the same prescription as last time.
Me: So what do you think is wrong (keep in mind he hadn’t even looked at my back)?
Dr: I’ll write you a prescription for physical therapy too in case you don’t feel better in the next couple of days.
Me: I’d really like to find out what the problem is then explore my options to get it taken care of.
Dr: Hmmm (finally touching my back), well it doesn’t feel tight.
Me: I know, like I said it feels different this time. What could it be?
Dr: Where would you like these prescriptions sent?
Me: The drug store on Main. You know, I also noticed a big toe growing out of my left elbow.
Dr: I’ll send these prescriptions over right away, you should be able to pick them up before the drug store closes.
Me: My stomach has been really swollen lately and I swear I can feel something moving in there. I’m 99% sure that I’m pregnant.
Dr: Let us know if your back isn’t feeling any better in a couple of weeks.
Me: Ok, thanks.

The next day I called an orthopedic center who, after an X-Ray and MRI, diagnosed a degenerated disc that has caused bone bruises on my vertebrae. I’m getting the steroid shot to help get me by until the new artificial discs are on the market so they can do a discectomy and eventually a fusion. The pregnancy tests have so far been inconclusive.