Broken Stuff

Last night Wally came to me complaining that Alimatu broke his PSP.  I was actually kind of mad, but since I'm a "Told You So" kinda guy I had to tell him that now he knows how I feel when they break all of my stuff.  This made me start thinking about just how many items my kids have broken.  Let me name a few.

1.      50" Flat Screen TV.  They were downstairs watching it one night and fell asleep with it on.  When they woke up the sound worked but the picture was out.

2.      Toilet.  It was plugged and I couldn’t for the life of me get it unplugged.  I finally shut off the water and pulled it apart.  I broke it trying to get a batman toothbrush out of the bendy part of the porcelain.

3.       Front window of the house.  We hadn’t even moved into our new house before Nelly (11 year old daughter.  Her cousin once told her, “You’re so mean.  No wonder my dad calls you Nelly Olsen.”) threw a rock through the front window.

4.      Precious memorabilia.  I kept my precious trophies from the early 80s (can you say glory days?) in perfect condition for twenty years.  How could my kids possibly break them all AND my stuffed jackalope in a matter of months.

5.      Nintendo Game Cube.  Lunch Meat actually peed in a cup then opened the door where the disc goes and dumped the pee inside.  Wow, now that I think of it I believe this story deserves its own blog entry.

6.      Nintendo Wii drums.  I’m not sure how, but the connectors that plug into the drums got pulled off the wires.

7.      21,089 DVDs and CDs.  I don’t believe I own any that aren’t scratched beyond use.

8.      Trampoline.  This summer the springs would periodically fly off of the tramp from where they were sewed on.  In all fairness, I don’t believe this one was their fault.

9.      Window screens.  How could they possibly tear every single window screen in the entire house?

10.   Computer.  At first the sound stopped working, now it won’t even turn on.

11.  Bike tires.  This one wouldn’t be a big deal if I hadn’t fixed 4.2 million flat tires in the past 6 years.

12.  2002 Honda Odyssey.  Broken hinges on both sliding doors not to mention crayons, loose change and a key in the tape and CD players.  I believe this is also the car Wally peed in when the wife was taking too long in the grocery store.

13.  Last and most importantly…my children have broken my will to live. Hahahaha.

One thing is for sure, they better grow up to be wealthy to pay me back for all of this.  I’m sure I didn’t break anything when I was a kid.  Did you?